You cant be mad that I missed a month, I had covid (this week)
What you're going to question a guy recovering from covid? You MONSTER!
Hey Everyone…
So…
I know I said this would be weekly newsletter and it’s been almost a full calendar month since my last post, but I want you to know that I have been battling covid (this week). You’re not going to get mad at a guy who had the plague are you?
And sure you might be thinking, “damn that sucks, glad you’re alright now but what about the other weeks?”, and to that I would say; How dare you?! I just had covid, I don’t have the time or energy to answer these silly and honestly quite rude questions!
Where is your empathy?
Now I could sit here and say I’ve been working on a personal project for the last month, but I haven’t touched it in a while because I HAD COVID YOU JERKS! (Also because I am a lazy procrastinator).
Also I could point to the fact that your boy finally found some freelance work again, back with The Chaser and The Shot (wow what range) and that has distracted me from this. I am such a sell out!
Aren’t you happy for me, finally having some money coming in while I look for more work? WOW I CANT BELIEVE YOU WOULD BE HAPPY FOR AN ASTHMATIC BATTLING COVID! You monsters.
Or I could talk about doing some charity work, but that would just be lie.
Anyway, all this is to say:
“Whoops.”
John Delmenico
More From John:
The Shot -
“A surplus of budgetary bullshit: a Gen Z guide to rage”
Today’s young people have grown up watching ‘grown ups’ hurl shit at the world’s metaphorical fan, well past the point of maximum shit saturation – the world’s scientists nervously pointing out the truly alarming quantity of shit on the walls – knowing full well that at some point it will be our job to clean up said shit, or drown in it.
You don’t need to worry about when today’s youth will “crack”. As a Zoomer myself, I can assure you we broke years ago. In fact, Gen Z are the least hopeful generation, because, in case you haven’t noticed, the world is a wee bit fucked.
We watched the Millennial generation try their hardest with hope in their eyes to get the same so-called ‘grown ups’ to stop throwing shit at the fan, right up until they couldn’t ‘live laugh love’ any longer; we watched their souls get crushed. From that generation, mine learned that hope is hopeless.
But hey! Let’s not wallow in our collective depression. That’s what TikTok is for. Instead, I welcome you to this Gen Zer’s guide to rage!
PODCAST APPEARANCE!
If you are the kind of person who listens to podcasts (aka most people), you should listen to me on The Shot Podcast with Grace Tame, Charles Firth and Dave Milner.
Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever else you listen to podcasts.
The Chaser
I have done a bunch for The Chaser so here is a rapid fire of my satirical headlines, but also subscribe to ‘The Weakly’ newsletter that I am back writing for (I didn’t do this week’s cause I had covid, have I mentioned that I had covid?)
PM gives Kyle Sandilands traditional wedding gift of a new stadium
Man struggling to pay rent relieved to hear the budget will be in surplus
Young people using old-age filter in photo app in desperate bid to get government assistance
(Also yes I am back, you will see more posts from me I swear)