Media Guide: How to cover the Voice Debate (and responsibly ruin it)
The most important guide to anyone who wants to get published in Aussie media
As the voice to parliament referendum vote draws closer, it is important that anyone who wants to be published in Aussie media to know how to responsibly cover the discourse in a way that informs the ruining of any meaningful discussion.
Anyone who believes in informing the public and fighting truth to power to facilitate honest debate and decision making on one of the most important political moments in recent history, you are entering this with far too much naivety. Clearly the media’s job is to find confused voters and make them as confused as possible.
First, be careful who you listen to and platform. While your gut instinct may be to focus on facilitating debate between well meaning First Nations Yes campaigners and well meaning First Nations No campaigners, that is actually the opposite of what you want to happen. It is important to where-ever possible boost the voices of non-Indigenous Yes Campaigners and exclusively the racist grifter section of the No campaign.
Anyone else would speak earnestly with factually sound arguments based on their lived experiences and expertise, which is just boring television.
When in doubt, just play it safe and ask Kamahl what he thinks. As a zoomer, I don’t know who that is but I’m pretty sure he must be the nation’s leading expert on constitutional reform and First Nations related issues based on how much weight his opinion holds.
Next it is important to make sure to absolutely never fact-check any claim made by any of the county’s top racist liars. If Peter Dutton claims that it will cost $40b dollars or Tony Abbott brings up apartheid, it is of the upmost important to just run the claim as your headline without any attempt to call out the racist lies designed to stoke fear.
Just keep uncritically publishing whatever they say, every single day, nonstop without any sort of important information. Remember this isn’t a debate of ‘Yes vs No’ it’s a debate of ‘fact vs fiction’ and fact is far too powerful so we need to help the fiction as much as possible.
When it comes to polling, it is incredibly important to talk about them in a way that confirms your personal biases. These are not just vibe checks, they are either works of pure scientific fact or rigged hackery thought up by the illuminati. No matter which side of that spectrum you land on, there is one thing you are allowed to report, which is that it is impossible for the mood to shift.
Just accept that it’s either a guaranteed result or spread conspiracy theories about pollsters calling landlines or whatever, looking intrinsically at what could be improved by a campaign would be crazy.
And remember, the absolute worst thing you can say about someone or a group is the suggestion that they might be racist. So never ever do that and completely call out anyone who would suggest that any specific person on your side who has said racist things might be racist.
Although, it is highly encouraged to call every voter on which ever side you don’t support ‘racist’. That will definitely help bring back swing voters.
So please, take this advice on board and hopefully soon us as a media, can cause enough irreparable harm through the coverage of this debate that we successfully embolden racism in a country where racism was already very emboldened.
Some of my recent Chaser work:
British Museum completely empty after demand that all stolen items be returned
BREAKING – Australia’s ruler abdicates
‘Do your own research’ guy now posting “if you don’t know, vote no”
Alan Joyce remains as CEO of Qantas after his resignation letter was lost by baggage handlers
Dear Victoria, this is how you live in a post-dictator world
Rupert Murdoch’s letter to Australians
Guy who says unemployment should rise weirdly doesn’t want to lose his own job
I watched Ben Shapiro and Piers Morgan’s Barbie coverage so you don’t have to
I know I plugged this last time but in case you missed it, watch my youtube video: