Kerry Stokes' terrible, no good, very bad week
A letter to Channel 7's investors from Kerry Stokes
Dear Channel 7 Investors,
It’s your favourite billionaire Kerry Stokes here to thank you for your support this week after everything has been totally… um… fine?
Sure, we did start the week off by losing Kochie who was beloved by problematic uncles across the country, but we are sure we can find another racist white misogynistic male to milk the cash cow pretty quickly.
We have so many to choose from within just our staff already!
The loss of Kochie will be remembered as the heaviest loss this network has ever seen, for the few days before the Ben Roberts-Smith court ruling.
Here is where I want to thank you, my dear investors, and of course 7’s advertisers; see that $35m we spent on his lawyers associating what he has done with our brands and yours is money well spent.
People are saying it was the court case was the most entertaining thing Channel 7 has made in years!
Of course we are also saddened to see the war criminal has decided to resign from his job being in charge of 7 QLD, we were hoping to put his laptop burning skills to use when our news teams ignore facts.
Again his immediate departure from 7 shows just how valuable it was that we funded his legal battle against Fairfax for reporting on his war crimes.
But what I do want to say is not to worry about 7’s reputation after this last week, we have made sure that everyone thinks of us the way they always have by ending the week with an exclusive interview with an alleged rapist, giving him $250,000 dollars in order to tell his side of the story.
We believe in giving alleged monsters their only chance to tell ‘their side’ of the story, after they choose not to tell it under oath despite ample opportunity, and have already done interviews with News Corp.
So don’t worry advertisers, your brands might no longer appear next to racists and war criminals, but you still have the alleged rapists.
Yours,
Kerry Stokes
Chaser Stuff by John:
Obituary - Rolf Harris, gone not soon enough
“Cancel culture is coming for war crimes” a letter by Ben Roberts-Smith
Pauline Hanson sells knitted White Hoods to raise funds for lawsuit
Ben Roberts-Smith drowns sorrows with a traditional leggy
Convicted pedophile now merely just a “disgraced entertainer”
AFP hires PwC to investigate PwC scandal
Ben Roberts-Smith resigns from Channel 7 to spend more time with his war crimes
Scott Morrison secretly appoints himself as the Indigenous Voice to Parliament
Kochie leaves Sunrise to focus on his passion for selling crypto on Facebook
Ben Roberts-Smith cheers self up following court loss by kicking a farmer off a cliff
That’s it for this week, just a reminder that if I am still freelance and looking for writing gigs so if you need someone hit me up, k bye!