Cash out your ethics with LaborBet
It's issue 4 and I've secretly sold out to the gambling Lobby!
Hey readers,
We’re about a month into this newsletter and I know some of you are worried cause it seems like my life is falling apart as badly as the Greens are, but don’t worry because while I still struggle to find work, I have managed to find a secret funder for my endeavours with everyone’s favourite gambling company LaborBet!
Now, regarding the concerns that this secret money is somehow ‘unethical’ and potentially a ‘conflict of interest’ which is ‘definitely corruption’; I just want to say even the idea that the money could in anyway influence my work is simply ridiculous.
Also side note, check out this cool and trustworthy ad I stumbled across:
While you might think that not using the exact same bullshit excuses as the previous federal government everyone hated for their bullshit excuses regarding cover-ups and corruption would be a super obvious way to gain trust and support; but we ask where is the fun in that? Take a risk everyone once and a while, I mean think of the return if the gamble pays off!
The LaborBet team would like to remind you all that technically what happened was not specifically against the rules we created to allow for a loophole where this would be legal. And to question the rules would be to question the rule of law itself!
So just relax knowing that LaborBet’s actions are all as legal as Scott Morrison’s secret ministry portfolios!
Look, I get the concerns obviously, but I want remind you all that you can simply just ignore the sacks of money I am getting from money launderers in the back room of a casino where addicts are crying because they just lost their last dollar. If you do that, it’s way easier to trust me!
Instead think of all the good LaborBet does, with their amazing deals on odds:
Blaming the gambling lobby money on the Greens:
3/1 odds
Labor yelling “I know you are but what am I” when someone talks about corruption during Parliament:
6/1 odds
Delivering on election promises to stop corruption:
10000000000000/1 odds
And don’t forget, you can multi all your bets bringing together the state and national level for the most bang for your blood money!
LaborBet, a better way to play the corrupt game.
“Govern responsibly.”
More from John:
This week I had an article go out from The Shot:
Even without Robodebt, Centrelink is a hellscape of cruelty
“After a month with no money coming in, I don’t think the system failed. I think it worked. The system is soul-crushing; it wants you to give up and not have money for your basic needs.
It would’ve been more humane if a month ago the information sheets just said ‘fuck you’ instead. At least that way I wouldn’t have split my time between looking for work and trying to get the dole.”